One is a Very Loney Number

Today has been one of the rougher days yet for me since the accident. I didn't sleep very much last night because the hospital bed is extremely uncomfortable for me. And I woke up early because Bob was leaving early helping his brother move into their new house today. I knew I was going to have to be alert today because it is the first day I was home with my girls for most of the day without anyone else here to help us. I talked to Alexis my 12 year old last night and told her she would have to stick around me or at least check in with me to make sure I had everything I needed and I also explained that her sister was most likely going to need help. Alexis is old enough to help out with little things. I wasn't asking her to do heavy housework, just heating up a waffle or getting a drink for us here and there.Nothing too horrendous.

The fact that I was still living in the basement was weighing heavily on my mind. How I was going to keep up with what was going on with them if I couldn't get up the stairs to the main living area? When I woke up I felt like the right thing to do was get up the stairs today. I haven't really seen much in the way of the outside for 11 days since the only basement window is up high and I cant see out of it. And my leg had been hurting every time it became cold which in the basement it was cold a lot. I was determined to get up there. Alexis had a girlfriend stay over and she and my two girls sat with me on the steps and helped me every step of the way. They were great with giving encouragement and lifting my leg when it needed. I went up backwards on my bum. And believe me I felt every muscle in my arms but come hell or high water I was getting up there. All in all it took me less than 15 minutes. I was elated once I got to the couch. I did it. 11 days post surgical and I got there. We cheered loudly and I hugged them and thanked them for all the help they gave me. Those girls really did a lot for me. The absolute best thing was the way my 5 year old looked at me when I was finally upstairs again. She had been very wary of me since the surgery; not coming close and not asking me to help her with anything, which really hurt me. But today she was beaming with pride as we cheered that I was finally upstairs with her again. That made it all worthwhile for me. She is my baby girl that I love very much and I never want to see that sad look on her face ever again like it was the day I fell.

The first thing I saw when I looked out the front window was a robin and two finches on our bird feeder in the front yard. They were feeding and chirping so sweetly. Spring has sprung! When I entered the house 11 days ago there was still snow on the ground. No snow left-what a relief! All the light in the living room surrounded me and I closed my eyes at the brightness, but let it envelope me. I could feel it going straight through my body. Just what the doctor ordered.

What I didn't expect was the girls stayed in the living room with me all day long. Neither of them leaving my side. I think my 12 year old missed me as much as the 5 year old but she is too cool to admit it. We watched a movie and they played Wii. Alayna and I sang some Beatles songs on Rock Band. She also brought me books to read to her which she hadn't done since my accident- It was good. But I became very tired out. Surgery has taken a lot out of me. In the basement they all seemed to leave me alone a lot of the time treating me like a piece of the furniture and venturing through the room every once in awhile to say hi. I was extremely lonely but I did rest quite a lot. Today there wasn't much rest. Bob came home earlier than I thought because he felt guilty for leaving me with the kids for the morning. But he spent the rest of the day unhappy because he got a taste of being without a person who is so needy and he didn't seem to get enough of a break. No matter how much I encouraged him to go back out he would not but he spent the day in the basement -away from me.

I have to say I am glad to be upstairs but its 10:56 pm and even though I am upstairs I am alone again. Basement or living room I am alone to face the long night again.