5 Things That Are Impossible To Do With a Broken Leg

1) Getting in and out of the bathtub without anyone to help hold your leg and move it over the side of the tub.

This presents a two fold problem- First the water is running in and it is taking a long time to get clothes off and sit on the side of the tub so be sure you are near the faucet because if you move away and you cant get back fast enough to turn the water off you will have a flood that you wont be able to clean up because you can't bend your leg.

Secondly you are in your birthday suit and your legs are kind of spread apart before you get your leg over the side so the person helping you should actually be someone who has seen this part of you. Lets face it -nudity is only attractive in certain moments. This moment would not be one of those moments.

2) Accepting Flowers at the door when the florist rings the doorbell and you are the only one home

You are using crutches to get around and you go to the door and the floral delivery guy hands you an arrangement of flowers someone was so nice to send you. If you accept them in one of your hands then you can't use it to hold onto your crutches again without dropping the flowers. I found out if you tip the flowers the water drips out on the floor so you cant hold them halfway and accidentally tip it. I would suggest setting the flowers down on the floor and wait for someone to come and get it. Although this didn't work for me because I have two kittys and they tried to eat the flowers after I sat down and put my leg back up so I had to retrieve the bouquet off the floor. I sat down on the floor and sort of crawled with the flowers to the kitchen to put the flowers on the table. All in all it took about 20 minutes to accept flowers at my door. I did appreciate them though. Dont laugh- desperate times call for desperate measures.

3) Getting your own drink out of the fridge that needs to be poured in a cup

If you get the glass onto the counter and retrieve the pitcher or the 2 liter of pop out of the fridge the crutches can be leaned on while pouring the liquid into the glass but you have to make sure everything is within reach or you may have to put something back until you slide the glass closer. Once it is poured I recommend just drinking right there because I have tried to take the cup in the living room with me and I have to set it down go a few steps move it further set it down go a few steps set it down...etc.. this requires great patience which I do NOT possess. Average time approx. 15 minutes.

4) Sex (it just has to be said)

I have an extremely understanding and terrific spouse. He has a great sense of humor which in this case works to my advantage. You need a sense of humor to enter into an encounter with a broken leg. My knee can't be bent so it has to remain straight and I cannot move around very much so lets just say I'm going to have to be the passive partner for quite a long time. This is causing me great frustration.

5) Cooking -Anything

Keep the phone book handy-take out is your only option if you are alone. My husband is not and does not claim to be a cook. His menu if he is cooking is hot dog, mac and cheese, eggs, toast and grilled cheese. So I have been living on Yogurt, Animal Crackers, String Cheese and toast. Even though I do need to lose weight this diet leaves you hungry with no means of cooking food. So --trust me- phone book is your best friend at this point.

To sum it all up-with a broken leg you cant bath, eat or drink, have sex or answer the door. Shoot me now!